What a pity, Mr Smee. I'm afraid we've lost the dear Captain.
mia ~ 15

watchhowidinosaur:

knightarcana:

deadmaid:

sarahsprite:

deadmaid:

lvkesprite:

what old joke are we going to bring back next

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NO

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MY FAVORITE

you forgot one

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If celery is 90% water, is the ocean 10% celery?

necrosummer:

as a scientist I can confirm that this is definitely how percentages and fractions work, and yes, the ocean is 10% celery, which is why we cannot drink ocean water, for we would choke on the celery

Why don’t we talk about Airplane! on Tumblr?

nefertsukia:

throbbing-lung-fiber:

le-corbeau-fou:

bates—motel:

I mean come on

the whole movie is gold

It’s just one pun after another

The movie is completely random and it’s amazing

 

someone find the shit hitting the fan gif.

"PUTANA DA SEATBELTZ"

frustrated-fallen-angel:

artsy-fartsy-croat:

"What you lack, is something that cannot be taught."

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"You’re not scary.”

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Well Dean Hardscrabble,

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Bobby from Kansas

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would beg to differ.

BEST POST EVER

neverlands-justice-system:

it gives me great joy that it was someones job it animate this

myheart137:

capt9rs:

chepibola:

rnozzarellasticks:

memeluvr2:

my algebra teacher is pregnant and asked my class for baby names and she called on me and i panicked and said luigi

I WAS ON MY PHONE IN ART AND I READ THIS AND LAUGHED OUT LOUD AND A KID NEXT TO ME WAS LIKE “WHO ARE YOU TEXTING” AND I PANICKED AND SAID “LUIGI”

GUYS THIS SHOULD BE A THING. EVERYTIME SOMEONE ASKS YOU SOMETHING AND YOU PANIC JUST SAY LUIGI

luigi! at the disco

i’ve reblogged 3 variations of this already

antoniomadness:

gundamdick:

ALRIGHT LISTEN UP IMMA TELL YOU SOME SERIOUS GENDER MARKETING BULLSHIT THAT WENT DOWN TODAY
Today a woman came in to get her 13 year old son’s black iPhone fixed. This thing was totally fucking busted. She was already kind of being bitchy so I’m just trying to reassure her that everything will be fine and shuffle through the paper work so shes on her way. She leaves, I put her phone away till I have time to fix it.
Well come to find out that we were completely out of black screens until next week’s shipment. So I put on a white screen for now and reassure her that when we do get black screens in that I will call her and we’ll put the new screen on for free. Better to have a temporary mixed match phone then a broken one right?
This woman proceeds to flip her shit. “WE CAME HERE TO GET WHAT WE HAD FIXED!” I calmly explain to her that there is nothing I can do about the color for the time being. The son is totally fine with this and obviously embarrassed by his mother’s outburst. The woman snatches the phone, sneers at it, and then shoves it back into my hands and says “NOW IT LOOKS LIKE A GIRL’S PHONE! I AM NOT GIVING THIS TO MY SON!”
At this moment I turn to her and say. “I don’t undersand? How is it a girl’s phone now?”
"Well it was BLACK and now its WHITE!!" She gestured dramatically at the screen like I couldn’t fucking see it.
"How is white a feminine color?"
She huffs and explains that she refuses to take the phone until the color is changed. The 13 is now rapid fire “its fine its fine” cause he just wants his phone back. But she keeps refusing but I finally tell her again that we will change the phone for free when we get black screens and that shes not allowed to keep it here. The point of the matter is that this woman almost refused to even take back the phone BECAUSE OF ITS COLOR. Mind you its not even anything like pink or purple. ITS. WHITE.
A SUBURBAN WHITE WOMAN TURNED RED IN THE FACE WITH ANGER BEAUSE SHE THOUGHT WHITE WAS TOO GIRLY FOR HER SON.

And the son is more mature than her.

fuqyourlies:

reasonswhydansafail:

sleepingartist:

urbancatfitters:

if i ever start a band i’m going to name it “music” and then it will be literally impossible to find any of our songs on the internet

the first album : “Unknown album”

the hit single: “track 1”

album art

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Some people wanna watch the world burn

unsuccessfulmetalbenders:

honestly my dad is such a freak he never says goodnight like a normal person he just says “i’ll be back” and he goes upstairs and when you ask where he is or go looking for him hes asleep and the next morning when you see him he just says “good morning im back’ like what is wrong with him

japhers:

folwer:

but its important

IM SORRY BUT IM DYING THEY LOOK LIKE A BOY BAND
walrus-in-the-tardis:

mariealbertine:

The time our entire design class dressed up for Halloween as the design teacher (who notoriously almost only wore grey sweaters and always had a cafeteria coffee in hand).
I remember him walking down a super long empty hall and we all just turned the corner at the other end and started running towards him and he ran away yelling “FUcK YOU GUYS” and in retrospect I almost can’t believe he didn’t suffer a heart attack.
Pretty sure we won a pizza party for best costume that year.

IVE SEEN THIS ABOUT TEN TIMES AND IM JUST NOW NOTICING THAT THE ACTUAL TEACHER IS IN THE PICTURE TOO 

lynzave:

today these kids were talking and being really rude during a test so I finally fulfilled my dream of telling them off by yelling “I AM FAILING THIS CLASS AND YOU DILDOS AREN’T HELPING MY SITUATION, LET ME TAKE MY TEST” and it went dead silent for like two seconds and one person snickered and the teacher said “don’t you dare laugh, she’s absolutely right”

I’ve never had a school official back me up after calling someone a dildo.